HAVE YOU EVER just been typing away on Microsoft Word, thinking “Phwoar, that talking paper-clip is HOT”? There’s porn for that.

Yes – you can purchase Conquered by Clippy: An Erotic Short Story for just £1.99 on Amazon. What. A. Steal.

Amazon Amazon

Here’s a glimpse at the plot:

Christie Aackerlund doesn’t need help with anything. So when the world’s biggest technology company offers to fly her to a remote location and investigate an alien artefact, all by herself, she’s all like “I’ll do it!”

But the artefact isn’t what it seems, and soon an overly helpful giant living paper-clip is getting her all bent out of shape.

The description helpfully points out that the story features “sexual situations with digital assistants” and so is for “super mature audiences only”.

Yes. Very mature.

Giphy Giphy

The author, Leonard Delaney, has form in erotica – previous titles include Mother F***ing Wizards (about sexual wizards), Taken by the Tetris Blocks (an erotic story about Tetris) and Sex Boat (about sex on a boat).

Conquered by Clippy is the next Fifty Shades of Grey. We’re calling it. You heard it here first, folks.

Thank you to Terri MacDonald for alerting us to this wonder

SuperValu has turned our beloved Superquinn sausages green>

13 things Ireland’s new Renua party sounds like, according to Twitter>